Welcome back I hope in some small way my blogs are helping everyone even if it is just understanding what some of your feelings are and why you are reacting the way you do. There is no one size fits all in grief or coping mechanisms we ALL have to find what works for us and just keep going even if you stumble and fall. Because we all still have a long journey ahead, one step at a time.

I would like to touch on the subject of friends of yours and your spouse, family, family in laws, and adult children. Some of this will sound familiar and some will not this is just some of the experiences I have come across in my journey and with talking to other grieving spouses.

Adult Children: While they are also grieving the loss of their parent, they are dealing with their emotions and possibly being thrown into the role of caregiver, advisor, protector, and carrying out final wishes. Please know that they are doing their best in this situation too understanding on both sides is needed. However, don’t let them pressure or bully you into something you are not comfortable with or doing. What I mean by this they might suggest you move in with them or move closer to where they live. If you are not having any major health or mental issues (dementia etc) take your time on any decisions. Let them know you appreciate the offer, but it is just too soon for you to make that type of change right now. They might make the argument if you are closer or move in you will be better off financially, while this may be true it is still a very large life changing decision, and you are still reeling from your loss your emotions are still very raw. If they still insist just keep repeating it is too soon for you to make any such life changing decisions. You will when you feel the time is right but not yet and when you are ready you can weigh all your options.

Friends – Yours

If your friends are female or male depending on your sex. Friends will be there for you and will be compassionate and try to give support as you need it. They are a good person to ask advice to as they are not family and can give you the most unbiased answer or pose other options. I know for me even with the strongest friendships you still need your own time and space to sort out how you are coping and sometimes don’t reach out maybe like you should with your friends. But I still know they are there for me!

Friends – Spouses

If your spouse is male and you were friends with his friends and possibly their spouse, things are about to change drastically for you. His friends will call for a few weeks maybe a month to check on you then nothing this is due to the spouse making sure we are not out looking to overstep the friendship. Some spouses of friends will offer to bring you food or tell you to call if you need anything, but nothing happens no food no longer a friend. You also need to watch that his friends do not calling to know what you are going to do with certain possessions (take heed) and just give an undecided answer as they are only wanting something cheap (sorry to say). Some might call to see how you are and start asking inappropriate questions like are you going to get married again? I got this friend or brother etc you should meet (umm no thank you).

If your spouse is a female and you were friends with her friends and possibly their spouses, it will pretty much be the same only women are a little more compassionate, but the end result will be the same. Friends stop calling to check on you. So, you have now lost people you thought were friends and they are now gone and continuing on with their life as you deal with your Chaos.

Family – In Law

If you have in law family they too are going thru the loss of their child, brother, sister, cousin etc. they are dealing with the grief that comes with their loss and trying to come to terms with it. Keeping in touch with these relatives is important especially if you have younger children. If you have grown children, then as time goes on it will be less and less contact with them. In law families might also call to see what you are doing with certain possessions this is totally up to you and depending on the item it could be something your spouse brought with him into your marriage, and they would like it back to keep in their family. This will be totally up to you and what you think your spouse would have wanted. The first time you realize you are no longer part of the in-law family is like a slap in the face it stings and is very hurtful even though they may not have realized what they did. I had been married for 37 years and all of a sudden, I had no spouse, less friends, and no in law family it is a lot to add onto the grief I was already dealing with. I remember writing in my journal to my spouse of this experience and all the while crying with the new realization, I had no extended family any longer.

Family – Yours

What can I say your family will always be there for you. There are times they will become a little suffocating, but they are just trying to show support for you as you go through this journey. As time goes on, they will loosen the rain on you but still walk on eggshells waiting to see if you are going to crack under the pressure. Just know when you are in need of your family hopefully they will be there for you.

I hope in a little way this helps I know not every situation will be the same, I know every friend, family, in law family is different this is just some of the things I have thru and seen expire thru my grief. I am writing to help anyone who might feel the same or have some situations similar that come up.

Leave me a comment if you want to go over anything else that you have experienced or are going thru. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.

Next Blog, maintaining under the pressures of Chaos.