Adjust or not to Adjust….

Trying to adjust to your new life without your partner is quite an undertaking. It takes strength, will power, fortitude, and perseverance to make it through these changes. I know I know you are still battling with your daily dose of grief now you have to add more on top of that.

Change is hard and scary. Some people need to look into themselves and see if you want to make changes are willing to make these changes or if you like the way things are and don’t want to change anything. Everyone is different they handle grief and change differently and that is okay there is no one size fits all here. It is what is best for you and your individual situation, could even depend on your age not to offend anyone but the older you are when you experience your grief the less likely you are to change.

If you decide to make changes/adjustments does that mean you are no longer grieving or no longer love or miss your partner? Of course, not they will always be a piece of you forever you just need to accept your new life and that is not easy for anyone including me. Just as there are different stage of grief there are different stages of change/adjustments that happen.

Some people can never move forward or adjust to this new life it is just the way they process a loss of a partner. Could be they just can’t let go of the thought of going on without them. Their grief is too strong.

Adjusting takes time and inner strength you may not yet know you have. Now I am not talking about the dating scene or hitting a bar that is a whole different topic. What I do mean is how you start to process your grief day by day, month by month. You start making decisions on your own, you go out to eat or see a movie, things you use to enjoy but stopped. Heck sometimes making the decision to go to bed or get up is something new for you.

Taking things slow and steady just do what feels right to you and for you as this is who you are making the changes for now just you. Unless you still have children at home then you are making them for your new family. Every change you are making now you need to ask yourself is this something I want long term, can this adjustment help me is it something that is substainable for you, is it right for you.

Your going to make mistakes along the way that is part of growing and learning to change and find who you are again. You are no longer a couple who makes decisions together or start projects together or know what needs repaired and how to get that done.

No, you are now a voice of 1 and still have these decisions to make every day to how it affects you and possibly only you. Some of your decisions will be what do I do with my spouses’ things when should I pass them along or clear them out. That is up to you and where you are in your grief, but it is a step on the ladder of change.

I know this blog is a little vague but pinpointing how you change or how you perceive yourself now is very personal and takes a lot of inner reflection. What would your spouse say how would he or she have dealt with this if you were the one to have passed. Those questions are always at the forefront of everything I do. Remember it is still your decision, your choice, on how you begin or when. But I must say when you start making these adjustments you start to feel a crack in the load you have been carrying with you for a long while now.

Let me know what your biggest adjustment is and how you tackled it.