Blog 2 – Once things get back to normal for the rest of the world, you feel you are in a boat all alone in the center of the ocean with no one around.

At the funeral or memorial service people will say let’s keep in touch, let’s do lunch or grab dinner sometime. They offer to bring you some food to get you through for the next few days. I have found very few follow thru as they go back to their life.

Try to take it in stride even though it hurts to be left completely on you own. Most people don’t understand for the first few weeks you don’t want to go out in public or get together in a group setting. If they offer to bring you food your schedule may not match theirs, so they just give up on you. This is the beginning of your adjustment period, and the beginning of your own new chaos.

If you still work find out how long they will let you have off. I’m sure this will vary based on your job or suggest working from home for a little while if that is an option.

First thing that hits you is the number of decisions still to be made and possibly the number of appointments to be made and kept. Try to get as many of these done while you are still off. Once you go back to work it is harder to juggle everything that still needs to be done and the last thing you need is more added stress.

If you have children that will put you in a whole different situation to manage. Besides dealing with your grief you will be helping them understand and cope with the loss of a parent. If you find dealing with their grief and yours is too much for you, please please seek out specialized counseling or grief counseling groups geared for children age appropriate and for the whole family.

As you wind things down with your appointments and paperwork just keep breathing and take this all one day at a time. Try not to make any major decisions unless you absolutely need to there will be a time when you are thinking a littler clearer to deal with anything major. Don’t let anyone push you into making decisions you are unsure of or uncomfortable making!

When it comes to starting back to work the first few days and weeks will be awkward as people don’t know what to say or how to act around you. Just like you might have a hard time showing appreciation for their kind thoughts and words. You appreciate all the kind words and thoughts, but you still have very raw emotions that are very close to the surface. If you are more of an emotional person, they may just avoid you all together it’s not that they don’t care they just don’t know how to deal with you. I’ve had people say you look good on the outside but I’m sure you are not on the inside. I’m not sure if this is just something to say when they have no idea what to say. I don’t know but then I get the guilt feelings coming out because I don’t look like I’m falling apart or what they think I should be looking or acting like. I guess some people are better at not showing a lot of emotions than others. It’s okay we all grieve a little differently, but it doesn’t mean we are not dying on the inside.

Sometimes getting back to a routine helps in a small way to start with the adjustment period. If you don’t work then try to keep the routine you had before your loss, such as get up at the same time and go to bed at the same time keep a regular eating schedule etc.

This is just the very beginning of your new journey. Remember: A journey of a 1000 miles starts with one step. Sometimes that is the hardest step to take believe me. This is not an easy journey and one you wish you never would have to take.

Thank you for continuing on this journey with me.

In blog 3 we are going to discuss the 2 major types of grief so you can get a better understanding of what is going on with you and maybe help you process your grief.