January 2025

And so, it begins another New Year full of hope, change and resolutions.

Let’s talk Resolutions first I know most everyone has one to be healthy, lose weight, go on a trip etc. But what resolutions do you make if you are still grieving or just numb to the new year? I try not to make too many resolutions because by week 2 they are out the window. The main one anyone who is grieving makes is a calmer year, less sorrow, less change, if possible, less tears. Even these will be hard to keep because situations creep up on you, decisions still need to be made by yourself, adjustments are still a work in progress.

Resolutions – to make if you need to make any be kind to yourself, cut yourself some slack this is not for the faint of heart to get thru. Work thru your emotions when they hit you don’t fight them it only makes them worse. I know because I am not an overly emotional person, and this past year has rocked my world in the emotional aspect. Seek help and guidance if you feel out of control emotionally, physically, and/or mentally. There are a lot of places to seek professional help if you feel you need it.

Change – well you have already been in this mode for a while now unless you are newly widowed. Change happens whether we want it to or not. A lot of change is going to happen in the next couple of years once you begin your healing process and start to adapt and grow in your new role as newly single. Some of these changes happen without you even realizing they are happening because you make decisions every day. Greater changes come after year 2 or 3 when you start to settle into your new life. I have found in my journey that some changes that have happened are good I have become more independent and self-sufficient. Some still need work like my tolerance level of some people or situations. I feel a new sense of protection over myself from work related stress or self-inflicted criticism or outside interference in decisions I might make in my new life of course some of these are a work in progress but isn’t any type of change.

Hope – my hope for everyone struggling with grief is to have a calmer year ahead. After this last year I am hopeful that mine will be less emotional. I have been grappling with a lot of emotions this year more than I ever thought possible which resulted in lots of tears, which is very out of character for me. I don’t know when your emotions will slow down sometimes it’s a gesture of your child, a conversation with someone that says something familiar that your loved one might have said, could even be just still deciding what to do with their belongings. It is hard to let go this does not mean my love for them is over, of course not they are a part of your life that will always be with you but maybe now it will be more in the background than front and center like in the beginning stages of your grief.

My goal is to let go of some of the grief and let it slide to the background of my heart if at all possible so I can continue to grow and explore who I am now and how I want to continue with my life without my spouse at this point, I will be 3 years into my grief as of February. What will this new life look like I have no clue that is the scariest part I want to be open to new friendships new adventures, even if that is just going to a movie alone or dinner alone it doesn’t need to be huge to start with. I actually ate lunch the other day by myself and did not get stressed out and have anxiety about it. Was it easy no did I still feel everyone was looking at me yes, but I did it that was the important part and I survived. I want to just start making small steps forward in this new year to conquer that mountain of Chaos ahead of me and come out on the other side. That would be a good goal will I make it I’m not sure stay with me in my journey and maybe just maybe I can help you with your grief as well. Remember everyone is different and heals differently but it is the progress you make that will help you heal.

“Grief is saying “I’m fine” because you don’t want to deal with that awkward look people give you when you tell the truth.” Drloree Johnson

Let me know how you are doing in your journey.